wHiSpErS oF ThE MiNd

i am to turn in my weapons and wave the white flag…yes, i surrender! life’s too short for me to dwell on the negativities…i have decided to be happy! i will try to find whatever makes me happy and follow my heart’s desires…i have so many blessings and i should divert my attention and utilize these blessings…

i shall stay in love with love…i reckon i would never know the answer to this age old question -  is true love about letting go or never giving up? - but i can hold my head up high and never(?) be bothered again…if it comes, then it will come…if not…then, to hell with it! hahahaha! sour-graping? i think not!!!! 

and lastly, i shall keep in mind one of my fave quotes:  i will…work like i dont care about the money…dance like noone’s watching …and…love like i’ve never been hurt before…

i shall take it one day at a time and hopefully by the end of it all i will be a whole and wise person…

disclaimer: the face can speak of a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels…dont be fooled…for the happiest face maybe masking the most hurtful heart…

it seems my empty-dark-tunnel’s infinite…

up to what extent should a person fight for someone he loves?

when someone’s pushing you away and doesnt want to hear a thing you’re saying because his judgement’s clouded by what he believes is right, should you still instil yourself in his life?

is true love about letting go or never giving up?

can love really be unconditional or you can love a person only to a certain degree?

i am weak but i cannot show it…i am tired…

someone, please, make it stop…

life really has two faces: the one you let the people around you see and the one you yourself deny because of the pain that comes when you acknowledge it…

i find myself attending weddings every few months! o_O;;

first, was last april wherein i was one of the secondary sponsors…

in july, one of my classmates in college eloped…

september, my dorky kozin from the states got married too and they’re visiting us!! i cant wait to see them!…hm…

next one is in december…my bestfriend from elementray’s getting married to our classmate way back then…coolness, huh? their paths never broke…i am very happy for them! she deserves someone who’ll love her endlessly for she’s one special person…heck! she’s the one who taught me how to trust people again!  Ü

and hopefully not the last, in may of next year my classmate who eloped in july will have their church wedding!

<sighs> i am living precariously throught them! Ü

makes me wonder…among my five bestfriends from highschool and my close friends in college, who do you think will get married first?! aecie?! hehehehe

ok ok ok! i admit! i’m a computer illiterate! i cant seem to replace that smiley with my pixie! ;_;

frances?! rizchelle?! anyone?!

something good better start crossing my path soon or ill drown to my death… ~_~;;;;

i dunno how deep the hole is but im sinking pretty fast! i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel! the whole lot’s not where they’re supposed to be! everything’s in clutter! my mind’s in chaos! BLACK!

i need change!

last retort: DIVINE INTERVENTION

nanay!!!!! dun wanna sound trite but I WANT MY MUUUUMEEEEEEEEH!!!!!

i was running and running and running…he wanted to talk to me about something he’s kept all these time but i didnt wanna talk…he was asking me to remove my shoes first o_O;; but i refused, hence, all the running…he had help with lots of people to catch me…i saw a church and heard that a mass was going on so i went inside…this gave me some time off from all the running…whew! talk about sanctuary! but when the mass ended the lady behind me texted him and so im off and ran again…after all the twists and turns i find myself on top of our roof in the province….i can hear footsteps from below trying to get their way to where i am….i was hoping beyond hope that they dont find me…i didnt want to talk to him…not now…not ever…i dun wanna hear what he had to say for i dun wanna get burned once more….they’re about to reach where i am…i was panicking….then all of a sudden i saw him looking through me…it is as if he cant see me and that im invisible…then all those people helping him where there and they too cant seem to see me o_O they all turned their backs and went downstairs…he was the last to leave…he gave one last glance and said in a soft voice "i love you…"

a tear came down my cheek…i cant believe what i heard…really weird…then i whispred " i love you too…" ….

BUT he didnt hear me… ;_;

- THE END -

i havent thought of him for the longest time but why suddenly pop into my subconscious?! i didnt want to talk to him nor hear what he had to say…i was afraid that it might be too painful to handle… i think the talk he wanted to have was about his identity…how i wish we really had that talk eons ago…i reckon, it will clear the air between the two of us…if only he did tell me the truth…he thinks so low of me that maybe he thought i wouldnt understand his reasons….<sighs> oh well…

maybe the dream was partly due to the fact that my body was dead beat yesterday and no positive result came out from all the experiments i did….

what bugs me the most is the last part, i’d rather think otherwise but do i really still feel the same way?!

just to give you a glimpse into my life here’s my journey for today:

i was supposed to wake up at 4am to study for my comprehensive exam but my alarm didnt go off ~_~;;; and so i ended up waking at half past six….PRAT!

quarter to seven, i finally decided to leave the loving comforts of my cold cold bed to eat breakfast ( this hardly ever happens as i am very busy and i tend to wake up late in the mornings ), took a shower, gOt dressed ( all these usually takes me about an hour and a half but since i ate breakfast, it took me a lil longer today ) then im off to work!

eight quarter: work starts - tasting water ^_~ our water samples today tastes like chocolate…yum yum!……it’s from a proposed deepwell to a boardwalk somewhere in cebu ( i forgot where exactly ) hahaha…i do not pay attention much to the details, what’s important is the taste! *_*

ten o’clock: left work. went to the bank - deposited my cheque YAY! it’s not much but it helps a lot…then i paid my dad’s insurance and withdrew some dinero for this month’s budget

after leaving the bank, i picked up my laundry….this took a while since the lady cant find my 2nd bag of clean clothes ~_~;;;

went home…dropped my laundry…gave my sibs their allowance….played with the puppies…watched hey! arnold then as told by ginger ( i love these ) and now here i am…typing…. ^_^

BUT the day doesnt end here o_O;;; after lunch, im off to school!

1st stop: the cashier’s office at the main building to pay the comprehensive exam fee then off to the records section to pick up my temporary transcript of records.

2nd stop: the graduate school to submit my comprehensive exams application and temporary TOR ( GAH! am i ready for this?!?! ) ;_;

3rd and final stop: the lab! hopefully i’ll get some important things done today….im keeping my fingers crossed ( hands and feet ) ^_^;;;; and so here i will spend most of my afternoons and hopefully ( if i am not so tired ) stay until late tonight…. sighs…

ill probaby hit home around nine tonight to watch tv then STUDY for a lil bit!

sleeping time: 2 am ( earliest ) z_Z

WHEEEEW! is that tiring or what?!

ok..indulge me! ^_^;;

i rarely ever read someone else’s blog plus i have my own private online journal but i just wanted to give this one a shot…

lemme see if anyone interesting enough would read my entries and hopefully post some comments…

and so without further ado…

please take pleasure in roaming inside my mind… ^_^;;;